My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
