We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My life is pants optional.
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