I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
