I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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