Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
