I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
