Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
