walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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