I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't notice because vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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