Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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