YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
