I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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