im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
