Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
