So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
