Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
