It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
