then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
