Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
