My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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