Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
