Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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