A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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