We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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