So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
