Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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