Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
