omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
