I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
