I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
