So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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