Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
