Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
