ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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