one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
