Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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