yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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