...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
