is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
