So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
