she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
