Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
