Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
