I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
