Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
