lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
