Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
