I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
