is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
