I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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