Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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