So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
