oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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